prevent

divine

my presence

my perceptions

my imaginations

my dreams

my silence

my absence

my expressions

my knowledge

all is without exception including this unpredictable uncontrollable irreversible continuous eruption of words thoughts actions perceptions and feelings from imperceptible

I am helpless

why

write

I have been diligently been writing for over 40 plus years my innermost thoughts

Today I got up surrounded my people and though when fear would engulf me - some eminent expected loss

days before I have understood in detail that can be loss for me - any loss is my gain

I am surrounded by me alone and no body else

I may call them hubris

them and me go away at the same instance and they appear with me at the same instance

I do not exist

I need supports since I do not exist

My supports are my beliefs and they are baseless

as much as I am baseless

soon enough I reminded myself I am absent

I got up from sleep announcing to myself I am

I knew all along I am absent while in sleep

I literally has one and only meaning

absent

where do I do from there

Yudhisthir too asked the same question

when he was absolutely without support

answer to go back to supports

he did go and witnessed first hand his own suffering from his own support

hell

he no longer can't be supported

I diligently wrote about every intimate thought candidly

if any ever is reading this would recognize one's own self discovery

support-less that remotely supports unverse

me

I am very fat. My composition:

Outer most layer is sky

world

Mind

Collection of people: This strange most of preoccupation is my iddle thinking what any thinks about me. Perhaps none has time to think about me but they are themselves preoccupied with thinking what others are thinking about her or him. This is about unstoppable for me. I keep thinking any act of mine how it is acceptable laudable or damnable by any. I hide me, do not communicate, remove many of my communication because I think it is not acceptable in their value system!!! It so happens me in my perception, my writings, and them in my perception - they are all one and the same - they are the same KHOTE SIKKA i.e. without any value or substance. In a very slow motion I saw a person who is part and parcel of my daily life totally composed by me without no prior knowledge!!!

memory

Time

beliefs

logic Induction and deduction and Test

body

sense
-----

The axis on which all the above settled on a hypothesis me that is none of them. It is far durable so that the hubris could collect on it.

That makes hubris nothing other than me

I tried cut the hubris with mental sword again and again but sword just gets wear down never tries to remove entire non-sense without any better word I call this FALSE

My sharpest intellectual sword is I AM ABSENT

This can't wear out ever but it gets reduces as I reduce in size

Problem is how I wear it all the time

I must stand on it all the time.

I AM ABSENT is my intellectual basis

while my intellect is based on truth

base that has no other base - this is the ultimate my intellect can reach

my intellect can deduce SOMETHING IS NOT ME can't be true and is time independent

MY LOSS IS MY GAIN is true

hubris float around there is no collector no gravitation pull or push

[in the sky]

game

there are three entities:
creator created annihilator supported
Creator creates an agent fires to created - that can be annihilated or reach created. if reaches created it will create one or many with agents power. Each created sends request to creator for further creation (# ). Request if received by annihilator it might kill created (#) instead.

Theorems

The greatest theorem that I have come across and took me many decades to prove is :

All without exception is me entirely me. All is false creation of me the truth and only truth.
[all includes all bad all good all pleasant all unpleasant all feelings all doings all thought all perception.....]

All events are structured in time and space; events make time and space

This has many corollaries:

Nothing uncertain ever happens

Events if any can't be mutated - changed delayed or modified by any or all

A successful event or failed event both are divine outcome that could never be otherwise

An event is synonymous or meaning or appearance of creator

There is nothing random or non-random event.

Universe is as is and can't be explained nor explained.

NOW is the appearance of THE creator in reality in flesh and blood

NOW IS SUFFICIENT AND NECESSARY

NOW IS INDEPENDENT OF EVERY OTHER MOMENT IN PAST OR FUTURE

NOW IS NOW AS IS CANT BE EXPLAINED NOR EXPLAINED

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CREATE PREVENT MODIFY FUTURE 
[for any or all for short or long term]

Comments:

good or bad about theorem they are eternal

they never age and die  with world

they came as soon as world came into be and shall remain till its end - it is sucked to vanish lock stock and barrel that was before the world.

the blower and sucker and world are all coexisting - blower meets an world entity it creates many, sucker meets entity it sucks it off

I can think off a game far simpler than Conway's game.

Theorems do not change the world nor changes anybody in the world UNLESS:
I am absent.

FIRST STEP:
PERCEIVE ALL WITHOUT EXCEPTION AS THEY ARE WITHOUT FURTHER CONTEMPLATION.


LAST STEP:
I am not required to think or do now or ever for me. All is me (no undesirable no desirable or not me) and it is already done and can't be reversed. I have nothing to communicate.

mathematics

Mathematics has no existence beyond my mind it is not shared by nature. If I see mathematics in nature law it is my fault since i am addicted.

There is nothing called loss for me that is so important since I am most important man in the world. There is no other world.

Loss for me is gain for my world in many folds. Again the mathematics for me to chose.

All in the world is me again no mathematical stipulation but see true. Can't be expressed in mathematics.

Infinite is as such zero. This can't be mathematics either. But it is again observed truth.

Truth can't be expressed in language of mathematics since it is not belief.

Control

I must be under total control NOW

I must not say think or do NOW no matter what happens to me physically financially mentally

I must be unmoved and silent NOW

I KNOW ABOUT NOW WHAT I AM DOING - NOTHING AND I AM READY TO DIE DOING NOTHING WITHOUT A SIGH OR MOVEMENT NOW. 

I AM UNDER TOTAL CONTROL OF ME NOW EVEN IF I FAILED IN PAST ENUMERABLE TIMES.

I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT FUTURE WHAT I AM GOING TO DO IN MY NEXT MOMENT.

I am free to do as I please without care of loss or gain to me or anybody.

I AM SUPREME.

silence

In finite that I see everywhere I am infinite since they vanish altogether in encounter with me

I am in possession of infinite strength to keep the world in motion and let the world disappear without lifting a single hair in my body by the power of my mere will.

I am able to perceive all without exception as they are and do nothing. I exercise my will only without a word without moving, now, despite all  - loss pain suffering without hope and time for recovery.

I am incapable of communicating with words or body or action.

Silence is my acceptance speech

I realize today just now that there is no support for me and I can't expect any support in future.

It does not matter how deep is my pain and feelings I have to observe them unmoved and in silence.

Right

I was filled with remorse guilt and suffering - all my doing and deed.

After 50 years of trying I do not wish to subdue my feelings with doings since they are strong like my bones that would remain after my death.

They shall escape after I am burnt.

For ever I shall remain wrong, it is impossible for me to right.

For ever I shall be suffering for guilt and it shall pile up till I am blind insensitive completely without joy.

Forever I am in hell.

I must adjust to hell as my permanent abode and not talk of my high pedigree, now this suffering and future far worse as they arrive every moment.

Why so much expenditure for keeping me in hell continually improving its torture menu so that I lose my mental equilibrium?

I am like cobra born with poison teeth to strike to kill. I can be never right. I must be killed at sight burn to go hell and kept there to be return again to do greater wrong. I can vere be right.

Blindness

I coming to know my blindness.
Thousands of years intelligence transferred to me are beliefs and visualization due my intelligence. If my beliefs are my blindness - my intelligence is nothing but stuffing myself in a dungeon. Rewards and glory further creates a race towards the same.
It is extremely difficult to go back to the fresh world of no belief where intelligence is not a bowl of soup one does not bother to taste. To day I know that I don't know is greater intelligence for me to attain.
It is intelligent to survive in whatever form is again many thousand years of activity for human. We have forts cities security systems, religion, many isms.
Occasionally, it comes to my mind my lack of intelligence is the only reason for my survival - truly. It is my act of unselfishness. My thought for rest - a world without me where I am most comfortable and supported by all except me.
Occasionally, I realize I am always wrong as me part of an organization, as a community, as a citizen....as human.
I am totally blind without senses - I must not move must not utter a word - this is the only action permissible to me. Lest I teach or create a wrong belief in any.
Mere recognition of my own blindness is partial removal of my cataract.
I have inherited this blindness from evolution and adopted from persisting knowledge of humankind and its believe system. There is no reason for nature to follow any hypothetical mathematical axiomatic knowledge system. There is no reason for nature though up anomaly. But I have hardly have an alternative since we have to abide by rational system - our neighbors.
Alternative of our mathematics is not conceivable that does not mean that does not exist. How much we may comprehend is doubtful. Alternative mathematics is the nature itself.

However what I am writing about is my personal guilt of living in the society and not conforming to that. I suffer every minute with guilt. That is of lesser evil to me since the alternative Life term in Dungeon.

Now something has dawned on me that I do not know it is provable or not - I had no choice really of doing any other thing than what I did always. In other words I merely carried out whatever I did.

I do not see any one or anything that is ME. Yet I have done non-stop from breathing to cursing to talking to thinking. I am driven to do things and I felt remorse and guilty after all my deeds and persists for years and years never without recess.

If there is me and there is always - I can't stop it not can I navigate it to right acceptable thinking and rational doing.

Perhaps all my doing in the past wrong, it is wrong now and shall be wrong in future always but I helpless.

Garavity

Contrary to day to day observations - 'apple falls to the ground and not fly upwards', there are many other things that don't. Hydrogen and helium do not stick to the ground but escape to sky.
I don't care about reasons since reasons can't be applied if one has no belief.
Zinia had undergone surgery in the mouth. She could not really talk or move much out of pain for five days. But she left on Friday on her seventh day to her friends. Yesterday I asked her to return home but she declined saying she is alright.
She has escaped.
The attraction of sky is far more than every other attraction - relations food drinks fame or permanency.
Freedom and independence is far more attractive than people.
Silence is far more attractive than words.
Idiocies are far more attractive than ideas.

Aim

I am sky and can't be otherwise.

My promise to myself and I must observe till I am no more: 

I perceive all as they are and do nothing. I exercise my will to remain silent always –

Especially now despite all loss pain suffering and dishonor, with no hope and time for recovery.

Theory: 
All perceivable is necessarily me and can't be otherwise. I can't perceive-ably exceed or escape sky. I am equivalent to sky!

sky

SKY

The real unlimited inescapable

in the atom molecule cell every where all float on sky

all trapped in sky can't escape

without any yet all came out of sky and float in it without escape

the art of disappearance too born in the sky and die

immeasurable independent endless permanent

I am sky