remember

i forget; i can't remember and not even this

i have total amnesia and I have no memory and not even this

i

i m all
I am reason
i m words
i m nothing
i m now
past can't be undone
there never is future
i m robot
i can't start
i can't stop

I am not supportable (by my world or my creator or any)
I must not forget this
however remembering this does not make me supportable
and i can't prevent forgetting since I am not supportable!!!!!

i am nothing - i have no mass no gravity no charge no chemical composition no particle no agitation no wave no cell no... no... no....not now not past not future not word not silence not absent not present  not dream not sleep not nothing only meaning

পরম অর্থ

limit

dream

couple of nights ago i got up from strange dream

dreams are graphic composition of a solution for my problem

i am stressed by a situation the problem is created by the organization and we are solution provider. The organization refuse to see they are the author of problem even when they are pointed out. It is ages old and the organization trains or mans people to create problem and they can't depart from that habit. They periodically shut themselves down in order not to create problem. Their employees are are sent on leave for two weeks to 6 weeks vacation in a year over and above 3 days in a week.

My memory had an image of an village idiot in Crepe who would attach bees and wasps with string to his head as crown. They would whirl around is head.

Now the dream.

In a party I was introduced to a mystic. Lights were switch off - we saw was impressed with the display little lights of planets sun moon earth are reflected in the wall he being the source like bees and wasps around crown of village idiot in Crepe. It was like planetarium.

I could do better. I asked others to follow me in the open space and I showed them stars planets meteorites satellites all heavenly bodies moving above me as center in my bidding and they do truly so in graphic image and without words.

the center of heaven once upon a time was earth.In course of time it traveled to heaven - Sun then to milky way to universe as composed by learned bodies in the universities. Thereby they became the center of universe.

I someway was able to bring back the center in my center again and freed them the compulsion of theories composed in universities and academicians.

No more theories are required they move as they please without theories and we observe.

The dream says something to me - there is composer of my dream and it was shown to me so that i need not stress myself.

I must be patient to see till the end the evolving story as a spectator and not jump up bathing tub and run into street. Even if I do I must wait and see the story forever evolving composed by the composer - he is the beginning and he is the end.

He exists being absent and creating present.

problem

Problem is how to remember my learning when it is needed most by me.

Problem is how to carry my learning in my heart so that it defends relieving me from all learning

Problem is how to remember i win when i lose

Problem is how to remember I lose if i win

Problem is how to remember I am in the house of the supreme god without superior

Problem is how to remember I have no need and I am taken care of before I think

Problem is how to remember I think because I am compelled to think

Problem is how to remember I do because I am compelled to do

Problem is how to remember I see because I am compelled to see

Problem is how to remember I am nothing

Problem is how to remember I can change nothing

Problem is how to remember I can never show of my presence when I am absent

Problem is how to remember my silence is show of my presence and me

Problem is how to remember I am the supreme creator and I am inflicting pain in me and there is none and nothing besides me

Problem is how to remember all is me?

Problem is how to remember?

সব আর সবাই যখন আমি
আমি কি সব ছেড়ে কোনো কিছু না করে কোনো কিছু না ভেবে সুধু মাত্র দেখে - সাত দিন সাত রাত্রি থাকতে পারি ?

I am not me. I don't know how to remember all is me.

<Problem> is problem is the solution
If <dinosaurs> is problem the solution is <miracle> or patience

change

it is out of world without blemish untouchable invisible

in its light world come into existence

it disappears at its will

world has no right of its own to exist

i have no presence in this world

i have no option

i can't change

[me or the world]

can i b as i am for a moment b absent

if not

can i act or think just for this moment that i am absent

can I sense just for this very moment only - without moving a single muscle without noise and without a thought

can I be nothing and attempt no changes now for one moment for one minute one hour for one day for one week for one month for one year for one life ?

Terror

In a way I talked about everything but terror.

I am terrified.

In futility I tried to love terrorists and I knew it is exercise in futility.

Terror exists in my mind but I am not going to do anything about the same.

Why this change of heart today. Ten years after Russian school hostage and massacre of 450 children by Chechnya Terrorists, I cam to hear via news this army school massacre in Pakistan.

I can't change the face of earth. I have to co-exist the fear terror and they make it their own way of life.

I am reminded in USA every year 1300 school children die in gun fire within their school compound.

They live with us and they could be isolated before they start killing. 

Mystic

I am Mystic.

I am all individually besides.

I think their thought.

I converse with them all at great length without opening my lips and moving.

The winner of these long drawn debate is silence when all parties stops playing the game of chess - left hand versus right hand.

I can't think both thoughts and enjoy the game where none wins.

Unfortunately there is other person not me who is a witness my achievements.

none even after careful perspiring perseverance of creating my world - my singular efforts without help from none.

I come across none  who is not 100% me even if he is Jom or Jamuna or god almighty.

Any abuse true or false comes from me and i am the abuser and not abused.

Unbearable is me that I can't bear. My weight on me is really too heavy for me to bear!

Bearer me and unbearable me vanish at the same time.

They are born twins.

They die twins.

empty space

departure

as and when I depart

love is established in my world

love is communication

I am the cause of no-communications between my friends.

My silence and my absence is they way for love to return in my world

I love my world

My silence and not my words is my expression of love and this can't be otherwise

All is me and this is never otherwise

my words are me not more nor less than any or anybody's

I love all when present or when absent, no reciprocation needed, no proof is needed

game

this has got nothing to do with right or wrong.

this has nothing to do with true or false.

this has nothing to do with win or loss.

this has nothing to do with better or worse.

....

it is a game.

application

whatever one learns must apply on oneself before teaching any.

An old widow approached Mullah Nasirudin the Qazi.

"I am old and poor. My son does not understand, he eats away all sugar. Please order him not to eat my sugar."

"Come next week", Mullah asked her.

Next week, the widow again came but Mullah asked her to come again next week Many weeks passed and even months.

"Ask your son to attend my court tomorrow unless he is prepared to ..." ordered Mullah.

Next day, the boy and the widow came to the court.

"If you touch your mother's sugar container next time, you shall go to goal", roared Mullah.

After the court the widow came to Mullah.

"why did you take so long to order my son not to touch my sugar container?"

"Whoever knew that I would take so long to stop eating sugar!"

Plenty

I have only this moment to live. It is plenty.
I have this breath to take. It is plenty.
I have this food to take. It is plenty.
I have this money to spend. It is plenty.
I have this water to drink. It is Plenty.
I have this moment to enjoy. It is plenty.
I have this disease. It is plenty.
I have this shame. It is plenty.
I have this fear. It is plenty.
I have this pride. It is plenty.
I have this grief. It is plenty.
.......
I have in plenty.

heaven

no wishes needed
no words needed
no muscles needed
no resources are needed
no proof is needed
no work is needed
plenty
plenty
plenty

সঙ্গী

আমার জীবদষায় আমার কোনো কিছুর দরকার নেই
কথারও না লেখারও না ভাবারও না
সর্ব সাক্ষী রাখিয়া এবং করিয়া আমার আমরণ প্রতিজ্ঞা

ইহ জগত ভাসিয়া গেল
কোনো কিছুর দরকার হইলেও
আর কখনো পাইবো না
সর্ব সঙ্গী হারাইলাম

অফুরন্ত অভাবকে চিরস্থায়ী সঙ্গী পাইলাম

[আমার এই নুতন পরিবেশে
আমার প্রতিজ্ঞার এবং বাচার বা কোনো কিছুর বা কারোর
কোনো দরকার বা মূল্য বা অর্থ নেই]

আমার সব কিছু সর্বক্ষণ অফুরন্ত ফেলে ছড়িয়ে দিয়ে শেষ হবার উপায় নেই ।

[I am always positive inexhaustible and in plenty. I am richer than the richest in all time.]

language

I am permanently stuck in heaven with heavenly bodies

earth is one of them

so is my thoughts in earth

language of heaven is silence

description of heaven is all as they are

heaven has no boundary

heaven has no gate

caution

[even by mistake or pretense, if one silently thinks ONCE - that no one nothing deserves another thought - it becomes true for the rest of one's life!!!
one is just stuck for ever in heaven
there is permanent witness or divider that separates one from all
one can't touch nor any can touch one
if one fakes original - one becomes original - one has no option but one's isolation]

i may think another million thoughts
i may write another million words
i may shout at the top of my voice in loud speaker
i may strip naked and walk the street

i shall never be seen
my words shall reach no one
my thoughts shall never be known
my isolation shall never end

I am absent and I can't be present
I am permanently disconnected

Fake

I am fake.

One hundred percent.

as a human

as a friend

as a family man

as a lover

as a citizen

as a elder

as a younger

as anyone

as anything

I live in a world of mirrors and mirrors only.

They expose me in my every living moments of my existence from every angle.

It is my consciousness.

The light that reflects my existence in my world is my awareness.

Fake yet I am indescribably beautiful as reflected in my world.

আধার

আমি দর্শক
আমি শ্রোতা
আমি পাঠক
আমি লেখক
আমি পরিচালক
আমি অভিনেতা
আমি প্রেমী আমি প্রেমিকা
সব আমি কেউ নেই কিছু নেই সময় নেই
সব এখন
হাজার বছর পরে ও
আমি পড়ব
আমি শুনব
আমি দেখব
আমার এখনের নাটক ভালবাসা গল্প কথা লেখা
সব আছে সব থাকে চির দিন এখনে
তখনে যখন কেও নেই কিছু নেই আমি নেই
আধার
সেই আমি প্রথম অদ্বিতীয়
ভাবনা
নেই

Witness

I am witness of my absence and absence of all.

I see just now there is not any.

এই মুহুর্তে

I am not thinking at this very moment or else I m faking that I am not thinking.

এখন এই মুহুর্তে কেও নেই, কিছু নেই আর আমি কোনো কিছু কাওকে আমাকে ও ভাবছিনা।

action

I am nothing and all is nothing just now
I am absent and all is absent just now
I am empty in empty space just now
I am garbage and all is garbage

even if, I or all are not so to me

Just now I act and pretend as if 
- I am nothing and all is nothing to me
- I am absent and all is absent
- I am empty in empty space
- I am garbage and all is garbage to me
I intend to carry this bluff all my life even if I fail to keep this promise to myself

garbage

unmoved

there is no option but garbage all without exception

I have no space

as the garbage make appearance

they have to disappear

no analysis no understanding no evaluation no retention

no further grief no further elation no further shame no further fear no further public attention

garbage is garbage

me too is garbage same as my excretion

I have no option

all must be rid off now

I have to escape

my legacy knowledge experience honor life body neuron hair ash urn tomb book work world family ancestor past

all is smelling throttling suffocating

every moment is cadaver every word is rot every memory is putrid

i must be empty

no presence

no memory

no word

not a speck

not even a god's particle

not even this

dream

Pending messages encountered by garbage collection process during sleep brought to conscious permission for garbage collection..

Sleep is the garbage collection process.

Garbage

I defy all eventualities including my annihilation

[I defy all wills all my inabilities all greats all mighty all powers all norms all laws, all rules, all temptations, all dangers and whole world]

I remain free willed, even when there is no chance of my survival beyond this moment, if I do not comply

While I have choice of eternal honorable living in heaven with endless pleasures, if only I comply

I exercise my free will now and if ever I have another moment: 'I am absent and all is me and all has free will to feel think say or do as they please' in other words

Not only me is garbage but all without exception is garbage meaning nothing

Evaluation

My Final Scorecard has arrived :-
-Communication: poor
-Preparation: Poor
-Accomplishment: Poor
-Background: Poor
-Knowledge: Poor
-Appearance: Poor
-Trustworthy: Poor
-Behavior: Poor
-Quality: Poor
-Social: Poor
-Relationship: Poor
-Jobsworth: Poor
-Diligence: Poor
-Intelligence: Poor
-Health: Diseased
-Honesty: Poor
-Memory: Poor
-Morality: Poor
-Education: Poor
-Responsibility: Poor
-Family: Poor
-Hygiene: Poor
-Righteous: Poor
-Courageous: Poor
-Forgiving: Poor
-Helping: Poor
-Courteous: Poor
-Control: Poor
-Stability: Poor
-Skill: Poor
-Originality: Poor
-Inventive: Poor
-Independence: Poor
-Greedy: Very
-Critical; Very
-Sanity: Unbalanced
-Animosity: Dangerous
-Nature: Hideous
-Sensitivity: Poor
-Infectious: Extreme
-Compromising: Poor
-Shame: Poor
-
-
Failed as a being - Wanted dead or alive - kill at sight and immediate total annihilation

impossible

it is impossible to show anyone what the universe is unless one sees it all by itself. Universe is bounded within now and not outside. Now is truth. Parent or container of truth has no more Parent or peer. One can't help but conscious of that unseen's presence.

universe is bounded within now

Spikes simulated people and their reflections on events observed in now

now

I am no more

struggle

struggle for another moment that none or nothing can deliver

source of now is not any

now is not replaceable

without time

without solution

without source

result

result is pending now

one can't miss

it is road block

result is must be noticed

now

thinking

evil thoughts one has to bear - it is unfortunate that the supreme lord make one think so

it is graceful of him that he opened ones eyes to be aware of this

who knows the reason

he is the reason

he alone knows

enjoy free ride - one's evil thinking or doing

none can disobey order to disobey one's master for pain death and end of slavery

not even sun or earth night or day

they endlessly repeat

freedom

now

nothing below nothing above

right among all rights

only true among all truths

only beautiful among all beatifulls

only perfection among all perfects

relief

nothing is expected

all is taken care of - not required to do

no scope for complaint

not required to save

Intelligence

do without knowledge

there is no need

there is no resource constraint

no solution is an optimal solution

rejoice in success

failure is success

if it is problem solving, begin with problem

see the problem thoroughly and gather all knowledge of the problem missing nothing

reduce observations to the relevance of problem

does some part of the problem have solution

can the problem be simplified

assume the problem is solved, what was the previous step to solution

Is there a recursive definition from simplest form to the final problem definition

there always is

existence

god exists whatever attribute one may chose for the same

its proof is this moment

the moment comes with personal delivery

yours eyes only and can't be shared

lot of communication pass by

postman deliver a message from A to B

A B and postman none received the same perception

all is the winner

repetition

history is repeated

it has to given then knowledge base it can't be any other than repetition

so is planets circling comet reappearing

those are are still time periods

pendulum to repeats

but what repeats so frequently and so often that it goes unobserved

moments

every moment is repeated

and this goes totally unobserved

every moment reveals that one is expecting to see

knowledge is what seen

no wonder history repeats

is it possible to write any original idea

change

change is automatic

alignment is required

alignment too is automatic

nothing is required

every moment now is changed

there is no motion forward or backward

only alignment that is automatic

rationale

reason is knowledge

application of reason knowledge is faulty knowledge

success or acceptance is a shared faith

do not change universe a spec

nothing is created or destroyed

there is no reason

gravity is not the reason for earth going round the sun

despite two accepted motion of earth only one face of moon is visible from earth

there is no reason

Solution

Without knowledge there can't be expectation

With knowledge there still be no expectation

there can be expectation

there can be doing with expectation

a birds chick expected to spread its wings pushed from nest may get hurt

loss is a solution

right

what right one has

i for example has no right

i m dummy and dead

all has all the right

them deal with their limitations directly

i have no words no fence no weapon no privacy

blessed are all with their rights unlimited to do as they please

destruction

new can't happen in old

with the current state of mathematics science and technology we have come to the end of world

the last new idea within old are very few - relativity DNA computer satellite geometry gravity antibiotic vaccination and our society is not even 5000 years old

it is very stale

i am working with computers for 40 plus years but it is very very unimaginative

the economics is not even few hundred years old but absolutely dull where less than 50 people has ownership of more than 50% people of the earth's resources

about 100% people of earth under the strangle hold of religion or some ism of at best 10 kinds and them can be expressed each in 1000 words

society's strangle hold is about equivalent to no choice - sexes limited to two and relationship limited only one and there is no new relationship happening with same sex marriage

it is dullest living for any human where (s)he can at best get all the necessary knowledge world has to offer in less than initial 18 years while life expectation of the same is 68 at least. For 50 years of life nothing new is ever going to happen for him or her

[I spent about four months in a house where a 97 years old used to live - he was the most bored person I would ever see; today I am 64 and I can expect nothing new for rest of my life; the same old food the same old faces; the same old news; the same old technology; the same old places; the same old words]

the only way i can avoid boredom fear of words or values (ages old and repetitive) and enjoy living a new now is to completely destroy all my knowledge of the world

limit of knowledge is no knowledge

departure

the body is thoroughly washed and examined if even a piece of thread is sticking

body has already clinically certified to be without life

whoever knew had seen to that there is no thought or desire all the senses are probed with excitements

body shall enter the incarceration oven that shall turn it to ash

ash to be gotten rid off as fines particle back to world in a manner it can't be even a hair of the departed

every belonging must be with all relations who should relieve the departed of any attachment to name fame or past

and no longer can be manipulated

departed has no future (even posthumously among known) and not even a thought persisted for recognition or revisit

all doors of communication vanished without trace

no map of the world exists no universe no milky way no solar system .... no heaven no hell no me

separation

Is the scholar no more

what is the utility of so much of learning

does not communicate

does not move

does not understand

the scholar can't be touched

the scholar is in his world of own

Protected from my world