remember

i forget; i can't remember and not even this

i have total amnesia and I have no memory and not even this

i

i m all
I am reason
i m words
i m nothing
i m now
past can't be undone
there never is future
i m robot
i can't start
i can't stop

I am not supportable (by my world or my creator or any)
I must not forget this
however remembering this does not make me supportable
and i can't prevent forgetting since I am not supportable!!!!!

i am nothing - i have no mass no gravity no charge no chemical composition no particle no agitation no wave no cell no... no... no....not now not past not future not word not silence not absent not present  not dream not sleep not nothing only meaning

পরম অর্থ

limit

dream

couple of nights ago i got up from strange dream

dreams are graphic composition of a solution for my problem

i am stressed by a situation the problem is created by the organization and we are solution provider. The organization refuse to see they are the author of problem even when they are pointed out. It is ages old and the organization trains or mans people to create problem and they can't depart from that habit. They periodically shut themselves down in order not to create problem. Their employees are are sent on leave for two weeks to 6 weeks vacation in a year over and above 3 days in a week.

My memory had an image of an village idiot in Crepe who would attach bees and wasps with string to his head as crown. They would whirl around is head.

Now the dream.

In a party I was introduced to a mystic. Lights were switch off - we saw was impressed with the display little lights of planets sun moon earth are reflected in the wall he being the source like bees and wasps around crown of village idiot in Crepe. It was like planetarium.

I could do better. I asked others to follow me in the open space and I showed them stars planets meteorites satellites all heavenly bodies moving above me as center in my bidding and they do truly so in graphic image and without words.

the center of heaven once upon a time was earth.In course of time it traveled to heaven - Sun then to milky way to universe as composed by learned bodies in the universities. Thereby they became the center of universe.

I someway was able to bring back the center in my center again and freed them the compulsion of theories composed in universities and academicians.

No more theories are required they move as they please without theories and we observe.

The dream says something to me - there is composer of my dream and it was shown to me so that i need not stress myself.

I must be patient to see till the end the evolving story as a spectator and not jump up bathing tub and run into street. Even if I do I must wait and see the story forever evolving composed by the composer - he is the beginning and he is the end.

He exists being absent and creating present.

problem

Problem is how to remember my learning when it is needed most by me.

Problem is how to carry my learning in my heart so that it defends relieving me from all learning

Problem is how to remember i win when i lose

Problem is how to remember I lose if i win

Problem is how to remember I am in the house of the supreme god without superior

Problem is how to remember I have no need and I am taken care of before I think

Problem is how to remember I think because I am compelled to think

Problem is how to remember I do because I am compelled to do

Problem is how to remember I see because I am compelled to see

Problem is how to remember I am nothing

Problem is how to remember I can change nothing

Problem is how to remember I can never show of my presence when I am absent

Problem is how to remember my silence is show of my presence and me

Problem is how to remember I am the supreme creator and I am inflicting pain in me and there is none and nothing besides me

Problem is how to remember all is me?

Problem is how to remember?

সব আর সবাই যখন আমি
আমি কি সব ছেড়ে কোনো কিছু না করে কোনো কিছু না ভেবে সুধু মাত্র দেখে - সাত দিন সাত রাত্রি থাকতে পারি ?

I am not me. I don't know how to remember all is me.

<Problem> is problem is the solution
If <dinosaurs> is problem the solution is <miracle> or patience

change

it is out of world without blemish untouchable invisible

in its light world come into existence

it disappears at its will

world has no right of its own to exist

i have no presence in this world

i have no option

i can't change

[me or the world]

can i b as i am for a moment b absent

if not

can i act or think just for this moment that i am absent

can I sense just for this very moment only - without moving a single muscle without noise and without a thought

can I be nothing and attempt no changes now for one moment for one minute one hour for one day for one week for one month for one year for one life ?

Terror

In a way I talked about everything but terror.

I am terrified.

In futility I tried to love terrorists and I knew it is exercise in futility.

Terror exists in my mind but I am not going to do anything about the same.

Why this change of heart today. Ten years after Russian school hostage and massacre of 450 children by Chechnya Terrorists, I cam to hear via news this army school massacre in Pakistan.

I can't change the face of earth. I have to co-exist the fear terror and they make it their own way of life.

I am reminded in USA every year 1300 school children die in gun fire within their school compound.

They live with us and they could be isolated before they start killing. 

Mystic

I am Mystic.

I am all individually besides.

I think their thought.

I converse with them all at great length without opening my lips and moving.

The winner of these long drawn debate is silence when all parties stops playing the game of chess - left hand versus right hand.

I can't think both thoughts and enjoy the game where none wins.

Unfortunately there is other person not me who is a witness my achievements.

none even after careful perspiring perseverance of creating my world - my singular efforts without help from none.

I come across none  who is not 100% me even if he is Jom or Jamuna or god almighty.

Any abuse true or false comes from me and i am the abuser and not abused.

Unbearable is me that I can't bear. My weight on me is really too heavy for me to bear!

Bearer me and unbearable me vanish at the same time.

They are born twins.

They die twins.

empty space

departure

as and when I depart

love is established in my world

love is communication

I am the cause of no-communications between my friends.

My silence and my absence is they way for love to return in my world

I love my world

My silence and not my words is my expression of love and this can't be otherwise

All is me and this is never otherwise

my words are me not more nor less than any or anybody's

I love all when present or when absent, no reciprocation needed, no proof is needed

game

this has got nothing to do with right or wrong.

this has nothing to do with true or false.

this has nothing to do with win or loss.

this has nothing to do with better or worse.

....

it is a game.

application

whatever one learns must apply on oneself before teaching any.

An old widow approached Mullah Nasirudin the Qazi.

"I am old and poor. My son does not understand, he eats away all sugar. Please order him not to eat my sugar."

"Come next week", Mullah asked her.

Next week, the widow again came but Mullah asked her to come again next week Many weeks passed and even months.

"Ask your son to attend my court tomorrow unless he is prepared to ..." ordered Mullah.

Next day, the boy and the widow came to the court.

"If you touch your mother's sugar container next time, you shall go to goal", roared Mullah.

After the court the widow came to Mullah.

"why did you take so long to order my son not to touch my sugar container?"

"Whoever knew that I would take so long to stop eating sugar!"

Plenty

I have only this moment to live. It is plenty.
I have this breath to take. It is plenty.
I have this food to take. It is plenty.
I have this money to spend. It is plenty.
I have this water to drink. It is Plenty.
I have this moment to enjoy. It is plenty.
I have this disease. It is plenty.
I have this shame. It is plenty.
I have this fear. It is plenty.
I have this pride. It is plenty.
I have this grief. It is plenty.
.......
I have in plenty.

heaven

no wishes needed
no words needed
no muscles needed
no resources are needed
no proof is needed
no work is needed
plenty
plenty
plenty

সঙ্গী

আমার জীবদষায় আমার কোনো কিছুর দরকার নেই
কথারও না লেখারও না ভাবারও না
সর্ব সাক্ষী রাখিয়া এবং করিয়া আমার আমরণ প্রতিজ্ঞা

ইহ জগত ভাসিয়া গেল
কোনো কিছুর দরকার হইলেও
আর কখনো পাইবো না
সর্ব সঙ্গী হারাইলাম

অফুরন্ত অভাবকে চিরস্থায়ী সঙ্গী পাইলাম

[আমার এই নুতন পরিবেশে
আমার প্রতিজ্ঞার এবং বাচার বা কোনো কিছুর বা কারোর
কোনো দরকার বা মূল্য বা অর্থ নেই]

আমার সব কিছু সর্বক্ষণ অফুরন্ত ফেলে ছড়িয়ে দিয়ে শেষ হবার উপায় নেই ।

[I am always positive inexhaustible and in plenty. I am richer than the richest in all time.]

language

I am permanently stuck in heaven with heavenly bodies

earth is one of them

so is my thoughts in earth

language of heaven is silence

description of heaven is all as they are

heaven has no boundary

heaven has no gate

caution

[even by mistake or pretense, if one silently thinks ONCE - that no one nothing deserves another thought - it becomes true for the rest of one's life!!!
one is just stuck for ever in heaven
there is permanent witness or divider that separates one from all
one can't touch nor any can touch one
if one fakes original - one becomes original - one has no option but one's isolation]

i may think another million thoughts
i may write another million words
i may shout at the top of my voice in loud speaker
i may strip naked and walk the street

i shall never be seen
my words shall reach no one
my thoughts shall never be known
my isolation shall never end

I am absent and I can't be present
I am permanently disconnected